"normal", "Christian" life was compared to a forest; what I had experienced, the last
three weeks, in August, (and up to 9:30 pm, this day), was a tropical rain
around 9:30, this night... POOF...
more "tropical rain forest" and not even a "forest".
felt everything, disappear... no life, no God, no anything... I felt
as if I were, now, in the middle of a cold, dark and dry desert.
still had my spiritual music playing but I felt nothing... and no God.
to say, I did not feel to good. I had no idea what had
happened. The Devil was telling me all kinds of stuff (as usual) and
I, actually, felt more empty, and more alone, than I did before July 7th.
started thinking that it must be some sort of a test, a trial, that God
was letting me go through. And I clung to that thought... with
all of my strength...
went on to bed, around 10:00 pm (still with my music playing, as always),
and cuddled the sheets up around me as I laid there, curled up, in the fetal
position. And it was as if I were in a bed in the middle of a cold,
dark and dry desert.
Sunday morning: Same thing... nothing... A cold,
dark and dry desert. Total emptiness.
8:30 pm, that night, I was getting worried. I got down on my knees
and I, really, began to cry out to God.
got up and went to the refrigerator
to get a drink of water (my throat was so dry, I could hardly swallow).
I had a drink I noticed that it was, now, 9:34 pm and, Dr. David
Jeremiah's, Turning Points was just coming on the Vision TV Network.
came in to turn it on, and to hopefully, hear from God... Because after
three weeks experiencing God (who is everything) I had just
experienced 24 hours of total nothingness.
turned on the TV and the very first words I heard were, Pastor David
saying, "God says that these trials are only temporary."
And God 'hit' me, again, with His Holy Spirit... and then God
told me that; even though I would have, future trials, He would never
leave me like that again... Thank you, Jesus.
... I looked away and prayed
out loud, "Lord, give me strength." As I did, I heard (on
my stereo) the instrumental notes to, "It is Well With My Soul"
and I said out loud, "Yes Lord, it is well with my soul."
that, my soul started to 'overflow' with the Holy Spirit and it started
to 'bubble up', uncontrollably. I, immediately, started to weep, my
hands shot upward and a Heavenly language came out. This time, I would not have
been able to stop it, even if I wanted to.
for the first time, I had an external, physical, manifestation of the Holy
Spirit (other than weeping); I felt my right hand tremble, just a little bit... but it was
enough to know that it was not me that done it.
Today, while talking with two people, the Holy Spirit put words into my
mouth... bypassing my brain, altogether. Another new experience.
Very dark days... I'm not going to say much about these days, however.
fasted, and prayed (all day) on and the 12th
and, if there was any good that came from these days was that, God made it
clear to me that I was not just crying on the previous days because on these two days I cried... but I was not filled with the Holy
"Lord, something has got to give", I cried out, "I,
your Holy Spirit" and, I thank God, He delivered.
I really wanted to go to church. It was getting to the point where I
used to be in the Spirit and I wanted to go out into the street and shout
the name Jesus Christ.
could not wait to get in the church where I could be in the Spirit and
praise God, openly, and freely, without disturbing the neighbors. (I
found out, however, the Devil makes it hard in church, as well.)
Sunday was no different. But God said, "No, not yet."
stayed home and planned to listen to spiritual music and watch some of the
pastors on the Vision
one channel on my sound mixer I have, both, the audio from my DVD/VCR
player (which was playing my music) and the TV audio (from its headphone
jack). I can, then, "flick" a switch back-and-forth
between these two audio sources.
was praising God, in the Spirit, (with the worship music playing) when God
told me to turn on this misses that was now on the TV screen... (I
paraphrased of course.)
"flicked" the switch and WHAM... I was, nearly,
blown back into my chair.
only was the TV audio, quite a bit, louder than the music side but, Dr.
Pat Francis was prophesying to me and speaking in tongues.
was too stunned and captivated by her, and by the fact that God was
speaking to me this way, to even turn her down. And I waited until
she was finished before doing so.
can only imagine what my next 'apartment' neighbor thought, "God
actually answered that crazy boy and, and... He's a woman."
dear sister Pat... God used you in a very big way, in my life. Thank
you (from my insides) for the, "From the Inside Out, Part II"
have only seen you on two, short, occasions, but I KNOW the Spirit of God
dwells within you. God bless you, Dr. Pat.
Everything sacrificed for God and I made a decision that no
one else would understand or agree with but, I knew, it was of God.
I went and told, one of my, "non-Christian", friends why I had
I went to our local Pentecostal church (the one I attended, while growing
stood (at the time for testimonies) and said something like this:
have given up, everything, for God, and now I have nothing but Jesus,
that's the best place to start.
have Jesus and that's all I, really, need.
sure He will give back, to me, some of the things that I had given up for
what He gives back to me... will be, as they say, gravy."
thanked the people, of the church, for their prayers and for demonstrating
Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit and I then sat down.
had told me to go and give my "personal testimony" of how He
saved me (from behind the pulpit and video tape it so I could share it
with the world) but the head pastor wouldn't let me :(
At the end of the sermon, the
pastor gave a call for anyone to who wanted
to come around the alter, to praise God. I wanted to, immediately,
of course, but I was very nervous, he gave the second call, and then the
third (and I was not going to go past the third call) so I went up.
raised my hands and started to praise God and, immediately, I was filled
with the Holy Spirit...
then I felt it again... My hand trembled... and I knew it was from
God and I said, "Yes Jesus, yes Jesus, do whatever you want with
me" and then God, Himself, shook my hand. And, I'll tell ya,
when God shakes your hand... your hand shakes.
was a huge, external, physical manifestation of the Holy Spirit. And
even though I had spent the previous 43 days (except for 2) filled with
the Holy Spirit, I had not felt anything like that before.
could, faintly, hear other people around me (also praising God) and I
heard one of the ladies say, "I feel His presence..." (referring
to God's presence). I knew, then, that it was all from God, and I was
Up till that time, the Devil was, still, trying to convince me that
all of these experiences were just in my head and /or that it was really the Devil, himself, in me...
(he even tried to tell me that all of the, good, things that God had told
me was really told to me by Satan) but I
called his bluff, so to speak, and the same God, who was, and is,
worshipped at that church,
vindicated me - in a very big way.
Devil has, finally, lost the battle for my body, my mind and (most
importantly) my soul.
it is, ALL... thanks to God the Father, God the Son (Jesus Christ) and the
Him be ALL the GLORY, PRAISE and HONOR... for He alone is WORTHY.
If I had to pick a week (to
call the best week of my life) September 23rd
to the 29th
would be it...
reason being, on this day, I experienced, "full-duplex", two-way
communication with God.